The Parent Thing

I love my father. When I was a kid he truly was my hero. My dad was tall, handsome and wonderful in my child's eyes. He took time to read to me, threw the ball with me, played tennis with me and taught me how to ride my bike. If I had a problem, I could always go to him for help and guidance. He's well educated, well traveled, and a successful business man now recently retired from running his own business.
What I have experienced as an adult child is that this same childhood paragon has little interest in what goes on in my life and little, if any, tolerance of any opinion contrary to his. Though we are on the same page when it comes to politics and such, he doesn't care to hear anything that is not a mimic of his own opinions because he is after all, an authority on whatever subject is at hand. He will close down a conversation and tune out as it suits him, leaving you wondering why you bothered to attempt to talk to him in the first place. Though he asks what you are up to, he is only interested in hearing the Twitter version at best. His world revolves around him.
Never having been a parent myself, I cannot speak for what it is like to be the parent of a child, much less of an adult child, but I imagine after playing the role of parent, a person might be anxious to get back to paying attention to their own life and no longer have to worry about their children now that they are adults. Fair enough.
Now that we are in our fabulous fifties, I would caution to take the lessons of our own experiences with our parents and use them to help us in how we relate to our own children or younger adults in our lives. Being the authority on everything and discounting the opinions of our children, nieces and nephews, and other young ones, is a lost opportunity for everyone involved. Coming into your own as an adult, and that heady feeling you should have when you finally "arrive" now that you are of a certain age, is wonderful. Letting ego take over is not. While your children may always look to you for your wisdom and love, they also need to be looked upon as the adults they are, which includes being fully capable of intelligent conversation and discourse, with some ideas that you may not have ever thought about. It's quite possible that they too are an authority of sorts in certain areas of life, and that you could learn from them. For example, I would be lost in technology if it were not for my twenty something friends who have turned me onto many wonderful things in technology going as far back as teaching me about texting, telling me about MySpace (yep that long ago) and how to manage my files better (DropBox!). I would be a novice in knitting still, if it were not for my twenty something friends who had the patience to teach me things that I now know. My twenty somethings also remind me how important it is to keep my voice and be heard, to never stop being a rebel to the cause.
Never stop learning, never stop LISTENING and always remember the lessons you learned from how your parents treat you, so that depending on your experience, you can change it, or model it. Ego makes us feel inadequate if someone much younger (or anyone of any age really) knows a lot more than we do about certain things. Our souls however, allow us to  express our innate curiosity and the strong desire to want to know even more than we already do! If we feel secure in all of the wisdom and knowledge we have acquired by the time we have reached our fifties, then we know that it is a given that other people have things they can learn from us no matter how old or young they are. We don't have to be concerned with having to be responsible to know it all, even when it comes to our children. It's OK if they know things that we don't. They have spent their young lives learning things from us that they didn't know, why not let them take their turn now? I'm guessing they would love to show you.

Questions
How do you relate to younger adults?
When you discover that younger adults know more about something than you do, how does that make you feel?
How willing are you to ask for help from a younger adult, or your child in teaching you something you don't know?
Have you given any thought to what kind of parent to your adult child you want to be?
 What do you want your relationship to be like? How are you going to go about developing the relationship you want?

Exercise: Be aware of your attitude towards younger and older generations

Post Script: This post would not have been complete without the loving thoughts I have towards all of the twenty somethings that are in my life who would not likely read this blog because they are not in their fifties!

The Man With The Bird on His Head

Johnny Depp is considered by many to be a sexy, funny and very versatile actor. Johnny is 50. Need I say more about the awesomeness of being in your fifties?

The Pause That Refreshes

Let's talk menopause for a sec shall we? If you are in your fifties you are most likely going through it. What an experience! I became aware that I might be starting the process when I asked the question: "is it hot in here?" one hot summer day when my air conditioner was set at a frosty 67 degrees. The others around me (with blue lips) assured me that it wasn't. For me, this period in my life (correction, no period) has been marked by wearing sleeveless tops year round and keeping my house at a temperature somewhere around sub arctic. I have also discovered those nice icy bandana wraps that you soak in water and wrap around your neck. Heaven!  I am lucky enough that I don't actually sweat, I just heat up inside with a lovely warm feeling. My inner furnace is raging, who are we kidding? It's bad when you wake up in the morning feeling a little chilly and upon going downstairs to check the thermostat, you find out that the house temperature is 60 degrees. I suppose the fact that all four of the cats were snuggled up next to me in bed should have been a clue to me that I had forgotten to turn the heat back on after a warmish Spring day that was certain to turn cold at night.
It's helpful to remember at this time of life that menopause is a natural process and it will take time for your body to shut down the reproductive organs. I am amazed at women who are popping pills to get rid of the hot flashes. This is disturbing the body's processing. Do I have to remind people about the pioneer women who made it through?  I feel that my earth based spiritual path helps me in accepting this process. I have never been a fan of prescription medicines. I'm sure many of my friends consider me a Christian Scientist even though I was raised in a perfectly normal Catholic household and am now on a pagan path. I do have the bottle of aspirin and Advil for those occasional annoyances that won't go away, but other than that, I let my body do the work of healing. I feel that a good sense of humor (or at least trying to maintain one) and faith that it will pass, goes a long way in getting through this time. I also find that not focusing on the symptoms helps. Your mental outlook will affect how you handle this time in your life. Staying busy with your life is important. As for those around you, do give fair warning that you will snap their head off at any moment. Mr Pirate has just given me a wide berth (he also travels for business, or so he says) by avoiding any controversial subjects by avoiding asking things such as "what's for dinner or what did you do today?"  Menopause is not a disease, it is a natural process and for me this process is most definitely winding down after three years. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, (or I could be fooling myself). I honestly feel back to being myself and better since I now find myself having an even stronger sense of self then I did going into this time in my life.
The mental aspect of menopause is actually more challenging to deal with than the physical symptoms. The inevitable forgetfulness, the mental cloud that seems to envelop you is a bit disconcerting. There is also a  feeling of lost youth when the reproductive part of your body is no longer open for business. Depression can easily sneak in if you are not vigilant in keeping yourself in a good frame of mind. If you have never tried it, keeping a journal of gratitude is one way to help you to keep yourself positive. Can't think of anything? How about "I am grateful that I don't live at the equator", "I am grateful for the sweat on my face because it gives me that youthful glow", "I am grateful for World of Warcraft because it gives me the opportunity to kill lots of things and not get arrested....

 Just for the record, alcohol will make you feel the heat more, but I have found that if you drink enough of it you won't give a damn.

Questions:
How do you feel about going through menopause? Resentful, scared?
What do you feel you can do to make this time in your life easier?

Exercise:
Start keeping a journal of gratitude. Write down at least 5 things that you are grateful for at the end of each day. I would say that you could simply go over them in your mind before drifting off to sleep but you will forget what they were and you probably aren't sleeping much these days anyway

Freedom

“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first.”
― Jim Morrison

I Ate The Whole Thing

If you are what you eat then I am a pizza. Now, I could look at this as and say that description would include being full of fat, round and doughy. Well...... lol Or, I can look at that description and say full of things that are good for you and well liked by many. I like that a lot better! As we age, we naturally get a little heavier (or maybe even a lot) and things "shift", especially around middle age and with the onset of menopause. If you have always been obsessed with the battle of the bulge, things will become even more difficult once you reach 40 and beyond. What you have to decide is, if you are going to let your appearance continue to dominate what's left of your life. Giving up entire food groups or foods that are enjoyable to you simply to keep up your shape might be a little ludicrous when we look at the bigger picture. Reality says that by the time you reach your mid 80's there will certainly be foods you will no longer be able to eat without it causing some difficulty. Given that, do you really want to give up foods now for the sake of being 10 pounds lighter? will 10 or 20 pounds really change your life? Your sense of happiness?  I feel that might be a little superficial. No matter how thin you are, your face is not twenty any more. staying informed on nutritional news and curbing or eliminating foods that are not good for you, along with trying to eat healthy is a good goal for any age. Did we really choose to come into this life to purposely deprive ourselves so that we can, of all things, "look better"? Is that coming from a place of the soul? As it is, there are people who suffer from food allergies, digestive problems and major health issues that prevent them from enjoying food. There are people starving and malnourished. If we have indeed reached our age of wisdom, then should it not perhaps be time to be grateful for our health and the ability to eat the things we enjoy? If we are raising daughters, what message are we giving them about aging? Are we showing them that aging is a punishing thing?
Affirmation of the day: (please repeat 10 times a day. Doing so will also remove wrinkles)

I look younger and prettier because I gave up potato chips!

Is it possible that this sounds a bit silly to you? 

Questions:
How has giving up a favorite food (out of choice) enhanced your life in terms of making you feel happier and more content about yourself? Has it made you feel younger and more attractive to, let's say, no longer eat pizza? When you look in the mirror at your face, do you in fact, look younger because you have given up potato chips? Are your wrinkles gone because you gave up wine?

A Little Too Old?

I love my pigtails! Most of the people I know who are my age do not. They tease me about them. I am amused. In part, I wear my pigtails as a reminder to myself of who I am inside. I'm a visual person so sometimes I need to have actual visuals. This free spirited look also reminds me to not take myself too seriously. Hell, don't take life too seriously! Who said that just because we are 40 or 50 or beyond that we now must take on the role of the serious sage? I say use the wisdom that comes with age and enjoy it. There is no longer a need to have to prove your point about anything when you have obtained knowledge from experience. Everyone must reach that place on their own.
Questions:
 Assuming that pigtails are not for everyone, what can you do with your physical appearance to remind yourself of that inner child?
 What can you do from the inside to remind yourself that you are ageless? (Oh come on, you knew this was coming)

Is That YOU Behind Those Foster Grants?

 This is a blog about being a woman of a certain age. This is a blog for free thinking women who look in the mirror and wonder how they can remove the mask so that they can see the self they see inside. How many times have you looked in the mirror and said to yourself "Wait, what? That's NOT me. Me is that kid who is wearing her hair in pigtails and running around in awe of all that she sees. Me is that kid who is always laughing and thinks dressing up in a pink tutu and yellow cape is a pretty cool look. Today, Me is that person who does not like or use the phrase "a woman of a certain age". Me is that person who might have to think about their actual age for a minute and then be shocked when they say it. Me, doesn't identify with an age other than as a measure of time passed. Me, is that person who also doesn't readily identify with the requisite labels of wife, sister, mother, aunt or (oh my) grandmother. Me, is spirit experiencing the human state and wanting to get the very most fun out of it.

All of our lives we have heard the term "mid life crisis". It is supposedly that period in our lives when we suddenly hit the brake and want to put the car in reverse. The status quo of our lives is no longer acceptable to us. I don't feel that it is a period when we are trying to reach back to our childhood as much as it's a time in our lives when we are finally going to give ourselves permission to be who we always wanted to be. It's a time when we want to give our egos a rest and set our souls free. I remember when I turned forty I felt as if I had arrived into being a full adult. I felt I would be able to finally start speaking my mind and not giving a damn about what other people thought. By the time I turned fifty, Me was on a roll. Today Me (at 56, OMG) is fully in charge and loving it.

This blog is an off the cuff observation of life after fifty that will be filled with stories, observations, and lots of humor with a touch of smart ass thrown in for good measure. I hope it can serve as a wake up call, if need be, for all of you who might need a nudge from time to time to remind you to find "Me". With the help on your own blank page journal book or collection of papers, and some of my prompts that may show up from time to time in this blog in the form of QUESTIONS or FUN TIME, you  may just find that you are having a bit of fun and maybe some self discovery.

By trade, I am a spiritual life coach, tarot reader & professional crafter (I have an Etsy shop after all) My other labels include (but are not limited to): wife, daughter, mother of 4 cats, Buddhist/Atheist/Pagan, and OK, Queen Bitch of The Blog.

QUESTIONS
What are your labels?
How do you feel about them?
What labels would you like to have?
I would love for any readers to share their answers right here on the blog. Don't be afraid to be funny.

FUN TIME:
Take some color pencils, pens or best yet, crayons, and some paper and make a list of your own labels for yourself. Perhaps you might want to draw a picture . If you insist on being an adult, a plain piece of paper and a pen will do just fine.